I have always been fascinated by families whose children are on some kind of unusual streak, reach the top of their career, or, even more interesting for me, follow their passion with even more interesting trails or excellent results for me.
What did his parents do Differently To empower them? What do researchers really know what is effective in supporting children to be successful? Given that brothers and sisters are often so different, what seemed helpful in the board?
For my book, “The Family Dynamic: A Journey in the Mystery of Sibling Success“I interviewed dozens of parents High-handed child And interviewed more than 100 experts. As a mother of twin boys who are now teenagers, I found the most assured here.
1. Optimism is everything
You can provide all enrichment in the world and encourage your child Excel in schoolBut if they do not internal the feeling of possibility, then their educational strength can only carry them.
I was amazed by the continuity of the perspective of the parents, which I interviewed, who encouraged their children to feel great, feel hopeful and to be positive.
Merlin Holifild, one of the three brothers of Talhasi, who became an influential civil rights activist, told me that his house had a unwarded motto, “everything is possible.” And Amalia Murguia, who raised seven children under humble circumstances, many of which became national figures (in philanthropy, civil rights and federal courts), will also say, “With the help of God, all things are possible.”
2. You have to know your child – and tailor your motivational approach for them
One Attractive study Showed that parents often do not know that when children say they do not want to take mathematics and science classes that can be important for educational success.
Researchers provided the pupils and website links to the parents to help their own children tailor their motivational approach. If his child wanted to be a professional football player, for example, parents can say, “Oh, when you are a supporter athlete, you need to be able to stay on top of your finance, which can be quite important at that pay scale.”
Telling children to focus on some practical will not inspire them. Instead, the parents had to focus on the fact that based on their interests, learning their children seems valuable for their children. SAT scores of children whose parents used this approach (randomly assigned randomly under one control compared to parents) Act ended with a score of mathematics and science which was 12% higher.
3. Understand that learning and empowering can occur anywhere
One Study It was found to be trapped with me that parents often suggest how capable their children are – and they would learn from working hard even in every day’s actions.
The users gave 4-year-old children an opportunity to prepare themselves in a hockey gear for sports in a children’s museum, and some parents were reminded that children could learn from dressing themselves. They sat back and the child was successfully detected and put on gear, which they successfully did.
The more children think are more capable than as they think that when parents intervene, it disintegrates, so we should encourage self-sufficiency rather than fear of smallest struggles.
An Olympian’s mother, an award -winning novelist and a serial entrepreneur, Genin Groff showed me how she places all plastic dishes and cups on the cabinet floor below her kitchen, so her grandchildren can serve herself.
Learning is not just from riddles and books; It occurs in everyday activities.
4. It is not just hard work and patience – there is also a real love for matters of knowledge
Especially since the epidemic, developmental psychological hard work has been a change to encourage hard work and away from research towards research. How to learn love and promote a deep curiosity,
Many of the parents I wrote in my book felt that there was a way to promote the journey, and Some research that thinks thinkEmanuels – three famous brothers who are at the top of entertainment, political and bio -science areas – said that his father believed that “it was absolutely necessary for the understanding of the world, and himself.”
I remember to interview the parents of a set of unreliable brothers and sisters, for whom the journey was so important that they saved the whole year for a big journey; And they brought two weeks of home snacks, so that they do not have to pay for him on the road.
5. Inspire your children with love, not ‘coaches’
What is common in all these lessons is that the parents I interviewed used to bring love and happiness to help their children grow. For most parts, they were there to support their children, but did not see themselves as their coaches and critics.
Broadway director Dyne Pauls, dancing to the American Ballet Theater at a very young age, but his mother’s approach, for me, was an inspirational model. His mother, he said, was a way of “looking without desire”.
Our job is to highlight our children to opportunities, know them well to inspire them with love, and then provide all the drives that they need.
Susan dominus Has worked for the new York Times Since 2007, first as a metro columnist and then as an employee writer for the New York Times magazine. In 2018, she was part of a team that won a Pulitzer Award for public service for her reporting on workplace sexual harassment, and her article about menopause in New York Times magazine won a National Magazine Award in 2024. She teaches journalism at Yale University and journalism in her new book, “The Family Dynamic: A Journey in the Mystery of Sibling Success“Now out. Follow it on Instagram @suedominus,
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